i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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