So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
