Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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