I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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