I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
