I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
send nudes
from the living room?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize