Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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