I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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