i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
