you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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