It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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