She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
