he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's just like the Real World with babies
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
