Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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