the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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