Girls should come with a carfax report
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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