I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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