who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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