Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
