I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
