i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
