yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you had me at cake vodka
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
