Soap is not a condiment
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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