i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I will be naked everywhere
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
