I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize