I wish my penis had an off switch
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
