I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
