pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
