I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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