Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
