I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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