dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
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he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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