Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
