Whod you bang
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
