Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
