i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
