My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
