Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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