thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
