the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
