she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
