Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also, beer. Big fan.
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He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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