Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
