haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
