Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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