i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
