I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The adults are the big ones right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
