today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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