There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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