i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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