About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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