You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
