So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
