My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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