I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
