their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
