Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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