omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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