Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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