I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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