He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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