i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
