i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
