we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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