when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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