I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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