just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
