They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
