then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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