my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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