Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
