Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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