I bet he comes in French.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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