I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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