Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
