Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
