That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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