I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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