Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
