yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
